TRANSFORMING FROM HELICOPTER PARENTING TO HEALTHY PARENTING (Part 2)

Now that the meaning and implications of Helicopter parenting are established, it is important to get straight to business with regards to preventing it, for it is a silent killer of a child’s individual spirit.

You might have come across a couple of parents or a single parent from a couple who may have exhibited this sort of a behaviour; but as observers there is not much that we can do about it (for obvious reasons). It is thus important to attempt psycho-educating helicopter parents and other parents for the good, because hovering around their child is not a mandatory condition for his/her growth and safety, and helicopter parents need to know that; after all, they are humans and they too have a life and they too will someday get exhausted.

Here are some tips for transforming from helicopter parenting to healthy parenting:

• Your child is not a project- Many parents unknowingly objectify their children by thinking of them as “projects”. It doesn’t stop there; parents start to overlook what their child needs at that point in time and only give importance to the agenda that they have created for the child for that particular day or hour. These agendas mostly consist of extra and/ or co-curricular activities for the child’s overall growth and development, basically running around the corners to attend this and that. Usually parents do that for two reasons:

a. They are trying to fulfil their personal dreams through their child i.e. the child here becomes an important link between the parent and the parent’s dream.

b. Every other kid in the child’s class is pursuing something apart from what’s being done in school; this is more on the lines of making one’s child competent and making him/her ready for the future competitive market.

Coming back to the first point, parents put this indirect burden on their child of fulfilling their dreams. Now imagine that with a helicopter parent, and imagine the plight of the child. The amount of guilt generated within the child will not only kill his/her sense of self but will also make him/her doubt his/her capabilities as an individual.

Takeaway: Respect your child’s journey. Be there to support them, completely; but not just for the sake of ticking out an activity from the agenda list. Ask your child about his/her wish and will, see if it is rational, if not, explain them.

• Don’t BE THERE; just be there- The change in the font style highlights the difference between the seemingly identical words; one form of “being there” is the hovering type, which involves over-indulgence, and the other form is the one which includes space for the child to be him/herself and a sense of assurance that the child has about the availability of his/her parents in times of genuine need. Being there for the child 24/7 can make the child used to the parents’ presence, and can thus handicap the child’s ability to make his/her way through the world. Giving a child some space and autonomy to register the environment and form appropriate ways of responding to situational stimuli will in fact boost a child’s natural growth process, unlike the readymade responses he/she gets from his/her parents. Children respect their parents more when see that they are being respected by their parents. This enhances the relation between a parent and a child, and it goes a long way.

          Having an awareness of helicopter parenting is the first step in making progress from complete dependency to co-dependency, where parents adopt a more collaborative approach with their children in the journey of their child’s growth.

•  Communicate- This is a very crucial aspect for helicopter parents and their children with regards to mending the damage that has already been done. The damage here is the tendency of Helicopter parents to think and act on behalf of their children. It is very important for parents to bear in mind that they can only control their behaviour and thoughts; moulding a child’s behaviour and thoughts, where not required, will do more harm than good because thelatter won’t be voluntarily receptive to it. This will create confusion and a vicious cycle of toxic obedience in the relationship. 

          Better, ask the child about what they need, how they feel; let them do the talking at some point; help them build themselves, don’t build them all by yourself.

Parenting is challenging; looking out for the child, making sure that they are ok and getting the best of and from life is what parents do. But there needs to be a line drawn between the two parties for their own good. One thing is for sure that the endless hovering above a child will only make him/her more dependent which will backfire towards the parent at a later stage.

Written by- Ayushi Kenia