UNDERSTANDING HELICOPTER PARENTING & ITS IMPLICATIONS (Part 1)

Parents have been bestowed with the responsibility of looking after their off-spring’s welfare, by the law of nature. This law also indicates letting go of those responsibilities after some point in time during the course of one’s life.

Without any disregard to the natural law, a concept has been studied in the field of Psychology and Research about parents’ tendency to overly indulge themselves in their child’s life; the term coined for this is Helicopter Parenting. This concept can be better understood as an unwanted and unnecessary intervention probed by parents just to make their child’s life 'simple', or in some cases to enhance the chances of success for their child.

Helicopter parents, also known as cosseting parents, have more than required concerns and interest in their child’s life; be it academics or their child’s love life, helicopter parents want to know it all and need to have a say in it. The term was officially coined by Foster Cline and Jim Fay (1990). Another important contributor towards the study of this concept is Madeline Levine, who, in her work, has talked about helicopter parents being 'physically hyper-present but psychologically absent'. Now, you may wonder why will a behaviour like that lead to psychological absenteeism? The answer is simple, yet complicated- parents, when exhibiting this behaviour, sometimes, forget about what is it that the child wants, or needs at that point in time. In their frenzy of hovering above their child, they tend to forget that their place is beside the child and not above him/her. The child will then naturally feel a lack of support from his/her parents because all he/she ever receives is a list of do’s and don’ts and a dose of criticism for not following that list.

Having said that, there arises another side of the argument regarding the duty of parents to look after and guide their children, to scout for what’s the best for their child. Well, there’s no opposing to that, neither Psychology nor Research are aiming to discount the good intentions underlying this behaviour but when looked at the receiving end of it, this may get toxic for the child and the parents themselves; as Levine puts it- “It is not necessarily a sign of parents who are ridiculous or unhappy or nastily controlling; it can be a product of good intentions gone awry, or the play of culture or natural parental fears.”

There have been serious implications of helicopter parenting on children. One of the major effects is seen on a child’s personality. The basis of this implication has its roots in the personality theory given by Erik Erikson. His theory i.e. the Psychosocial Development of personality focuses on the primary and secondary interactions that a child has with his/her environment and its effects on the child’s personality. This theory gives us a detailed explanation of every stage along with the virtue that is the highlight of that stage. Success in fostering that virtue has positive results for the child and the child’s current and future relationships.  

Stage	Psychological Crisis	Virtue	Age (in years)
1.	Trust vs Mistrust	Hope	Birth – 1.5
2.	Autonomy vs Shame	Will	1.5 – 3
3.	Initiative vs Guilt	Purpose	3 – 5
4.	Industry vs Inferiority	Competency	5 – 12
5.	Identity vs Role confusion	Fidelity	12 – 18
6.	Intimacy vs Isolation	Love	18 – 40
7.	Generativity vs Stagnation	Care	40 - 65
8.	Ego integrity vs Despair	Wisdom	65 and above

How is this related to Helicopter parenting one may wonder. Let’s have a look at some of the stages from the theory which are important pertaining to the topic of our concern.

Autonomy vs Shame and Doubt: The second stage in this theory is all about the child trying to make his/her way in the world by exploring his/her physical abilities in order to establish a sense of independence. Yes! A child that young, practically an infant, working his way out in the environment around him. Support provided to children in their brave feat in this stage, in terms of letting them explore their environment under appropriate supervision will lead to the development of the virtue of ‘Will’ which simply translates to their innate ability and motivation to perform tasks by themselves without depending on anyone.

Initiative vs Guilt: Children in this stage (3rd stage) like to involve themselves in direct play via social interaction. This is they are in pre-schools get a chance to develop their social skills. Parents generally have the same feedback for their children in this stage- aggressive; but according to Bee (1992) this is the time of a child’s vigour of action and an active behaviour. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of ‘Purpose’ which translates to a child establishing a sense of meaning to whatever he/she does with regards to that action’s consequences on that child’s well-being.

Industry vs Inferiority: This stage lasts from 5 to 12 years of age. This time in a child’s life is filled with academic responsibilities and scholastic discoveries. The bond with the teacher grows and so does the number of connections in school. This stage focuses on the virtue of 'Competency' which basically highlights a child’s natural need to take up small projects on his/her own without much support from his/her parents. This can be remotely linked to the previous stage, but the difference lies in the age and the nature of the activities that the child is faced with.

Identity vs Role confusion: As the name suggests this stage is about the child, now an adolescent finding purpose in life, a sense of recognition of him/herself. This is a rather frustrating stage because of the many conflicts that arise between the adolescent and the society on a whole. Success in this stage leads to 'Fidelity' which refers to staying true to one’s individuality and accepting others for who they are.

            

            Helicopter parenting brings out the opposite of the successes mentioned above. The stages that were described highlight a child’s growing years which contribute to the development of his/her sense of self, in the long run. This type of parenting hinders with the natural growth process and leads to the child being custom made according to the parents’ wish and will which more often than not result in adjustment problems and inferiority issues at later stages.

            The strategies to combat the negative effects of helicopter parenting will be discussed in a continuation article.

Written By - Ayushi Kenia