THE LIES WE TELL OURSELVES: OUR COMMON IRRATIONAL BELIEFS

Humans have an inherent tendency to engage in self-defeating thought processes. We muddle our coherent stream of consciousness with such unnatural thoughts that they leech away all the beauty from the world. To be tethered to reality, we must be aware of certain lies that we automatically tell ourselves on the daily basis, or in face of any event.

There’s a common adage that the way you think has a bearing upon your behavior. This can be understood easily by calling into mind the image of a priest: as their thoughts are centered upon understanding the mysteries of the universe, their demeanor and actions are nothing but serene, and at ease. But not all of us have the privilege of such nirvana dwelling in our minds. We, instead, are rather chaotic, and it distinctly reflects upon our daily lives: our thoughts are cluttered, we trip and stumble upon them, and we always find ourselves close to a meltdown.

While it is easy to blame the world for inducing perpetual distress, it is in fact the reaping of our own “thought-harvest”. World is indeed tough, but the root of distress doesn’t lie so much into the “outside forces” as much as it does upon the forces “inside”. The way we perceive things and associate meaning to the events is what breeds misery into our chest, making a simple furrowed brow of a friend into dread of a looming abandonment.

Humans have an inherent tendency to engage in self-defeating thought processes. We muddle our coherent stream of consciousness with such unnatural thoughts that they leech away all the beauty from the world. To be tethered to reality, we must be aware of certain lies that we automatically tell ourselves on the daily basis, or in face of any event. Such as,

• I MUST ALWAYS BE LOVED AND ACCEPTED BY OTHERS

Though bonds are necessary for one to thrive, we must know that it is not a prerequisite of survival. We are born in a multifaceted world with varied people having different temperament, so we cannot always be the apple of people’s eyes.

• I MUST BE SUCCESSFUL TO BE LOVED

In a society where your essence is quantified in terms of your rank and merit, it is nothing but natural to assume that being successful is a source of gaining love from people. What we forget is that it is compassion and empathy that paves the way to the heart of the people, not success.

• I NEED SOMEONE STRONGER THAN MYSELF TO RELY ON

We have proclivity to latch on to certain people and make them the center of our universe. Associating undue importance to them to the extent that separation from them becomes debilitating, makes us undervalue our own worth. This makes us incapable of realizing our own personal strength, thus crippling us for life.

• IF I MAKE A MISTAKE, I AM A FAILURE

Human beings are not perfect, we must know that. We need to understand that we are also capable of making mistakes, and those mistakes cannot always be of catastrophic consequence. To err is human, and to forgive (in this case, oneself) is divine. 

• IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH ME, IT MEANS THAT THEY DO NOT LIKE ME

Everyone in this world is not meant to be swept away from their feet in awe of us, nor are they always going to agree with us. Even if you spew genius, it may not necessarily appeal to them. Disagreements are nothing but a natural part of human condition.

• MY PAST IS MY IDENTITY

We will not delve into deep seated traumas here, but minor life events we build our entire personality upon. We engage in faulty generalization. We fail to see beyond that event, and fail to acknowledge alternative paths. A negative experience with toxic friendship turns into pathological distrust, and one embarrassing social event leads to irrational fear of socialization. This mind set prevents us from having any form of positive experience or interaction.

• I MUST OBSESS OVER MY PROBLEMS TO MAKE THEM GO AWAY

We all are guilty of a superstition that over-thinking a troubling event would make the trouble go away. What we fail to understand is that we are voluntarily exposing our body to continuous self-generated stressor that can not only affect our physical health primarily, but it can also have a detrimental effect on your mental well being.

• IT IS EASIER TO HIDE THAN FACE MY PROBLEMS

In face of any dire some event, shutting oneself against it seems preferable. While doing this, we either try to repress the apparent negativity, without considering how this avoidance my cause harm not only to oneself but also to others.

• THE SOURCE OF MY MISERY IS NOT IN MY CONTROL

Call it a bias in attitude, or having external locus of control, we all have tendency to blame negative events to a third party. We refuse to acknowledge our role in our own undoing, and instead blame others (or in many cases luck, fate or chance) for our failure. This is a regressive mentality which only stunts our psychological growth and enflames fragile self-esteem.

• MY VALUE LIES IN HOW PEOPLE PERCEIVE ME

Being part of a society that thrives upon vicious net of likes, follows and views, we easily fall prey to a false belief that our value is a product of a distinct number. We constantly wish to appear in a certain way, maintain a false identity even, in order to seek approval and validation from others, and eventually centering one’s value upon it.

The beliefs of such sorts are nothing but the lies that we feed ourselves, and though they seem helpful in our own twisted way, they have a long term negative consequences. Just like we adopt skepticism when faced with ideas that seem unscientific or dubious, similarly, we must question our beliefs with a critical eye. We should be mindful of where our thoughts are taking us, and then combat these ideas with truthful alternatives that will help us grow and prosper, and become a better version of ourselves.

Author: Afifa Afreen